My Year in Horror, 2023
Always punch up
Hi, it’s been a while since I’ve updated my year in horror, and mostly that is because I can easily get caught up in a litany of things that divert my attention—some good, some bad. One big bad was that I finally caught COVID for the first time. I was knocked on my ass for about a week. it wasn’t terrible in the I-might-die sense, and for that I am happy. It was, however, terrible in the this-sucks-and-it’s-also-very-weird sense. Losing my senses of taste and smell was bizarre. Happily, I am only now able to smell things again.
I was prescribed the antiviral cocktail that is Paxlovid with the promise of it knocking out the worst of COVID fairly quickly. It indeed did just that. But what I did not anticipate was the constant bitter, chemical bite that remained in my mouth until I stopped taking the stuff. That was terrible. And worse, once I started the treatment, I didn’t sleep for two days. And that was enough for me to quit taking the stuff, rebound COVID symptoms be damned.
Turns out I was very lucky because I only felt tired and a bit dizzy after stopping the Paxlovid. I have lingering congestion, but it’s nothing bad.
As for horror. Well, during my week on my ass I managed to watch eleven horror movies. And surprisingly enough, most of them were good to very good. So, here’s a quick rundown. All but one are on Shudder, the last is currently available to rent everywhere you prefer renting shit.
Sea Fever
Sea Fever is a clever little Irish low budget movie that centers around a group of marine biologist types setting off to sea to do research. What they find is an undersea eldritch horror that soon infects the crew to somewhat predictable, but nonetheless entertaining, effect. I enjoyed this film. it didn’t rewrite the genre or anything, but as I am a die-hard deep sea horror fiend, it did scratch a bit of that itch.
Amigo
Javier Botet is someone you are almost certainly familiar with, although you might not know why. Botet has Marfan Sydrome, a genetic condition that affects his connective tissue. As a result he is unusually tall and lean (6’, 7” and under 150 lbs). It also means that he is extremely double jointed, and is able to stretch his joints more than the average person. As a result his appearance has led to numerous roles as monsters. Setting aside the problems inherent in this form of typecasting, I am glad that he is able to have a career that has been rather successful.
Here is a short list of the movies you may have seen Botet in: Rec, Mama, Crimson Peak, Slender Man, The Last Voyage of the Demeter, and a million others.
As for Amigo, Botet plays a man who has survived a terrible auto accident and has been brought to his friend’s mountainside home to recuperate. They get snowed in, the friend runs out of psych meds, and things go downhill very quickly.
I enjoyed it. It’s pretty strange, which is good.
Relic
A mother and her daughter care for their ailing matriarch who may or may not be possessed. I won’t give too much away other than to say that the end is an ass kicker and well worth the ride.
School’s out
Having lived in France for five of my childhood years, I can vouch for the fact that the French are not like Americans. The cultural differences are often chasmic. Movies like this one hammer that home.
A young man is hired as a substitute teacher because the man he is replacing opened a second floor window during class one day and leapt to the ground, nearly dying. It is quickly apparent that all is not well with a group of children from the class. These kids are sullen, overly serious, of superior intelligence, and bizarrely cruel. The way it plays out was an interesting take. Picture a mix of John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned with, hell, just watch it. It’s cool.
Vampir
Not to be confused with the black and white classic Vampyr, Vampir centers around Arnaut, a Brit of Serbian descent who has decided to return to the hometown of his family to escape the violence of modern day London. Before long, Arnaut experiences strange happenings and odd behavior from the locals. Turns out there just might be a vampire problem in town.
Vampir is a low budget folk horror arthouse movie. it’s a slow burn, which many might find a turn off, but I really enjoyed it. It’s big on atmosphere.
Paul Dood’s Deadly Lunch Break
Dood, this movie is fucking hilarious. Paul lives with his doting and sickly mother. Despite being well into his 40s, Paul’s dream in life to is to compete at a nationally televised talent show. The problem is, his attempt to reach the event is a comedy of errors, as Paul encounters a coterie of assholes who slow him (and his wheelchair-bound mother in tow) down. When it all goes pear shaped, Paul goes a wee crazy and returns to murder everyone. It’s cute and gory and hilarious all at the same time. I loved it.
Slash/Back
A group of Inuit girls living in a tiny town in the arctic circle has to face down an invasion of creepy Lovecraftian alien creatures. The girls are fantastic, and the POV of their culture is a joy to watch. Top that off with surprisingly gruesome and effective low-budget effects and you’ve got a winner.
Anthropophagus
Italian director Joe D’Amato is a schlockmeister of the highest order. For a stretch in the ‘70s, D’Amato put out a series of wonderfully terrible and blood-soaked b-grade movies. Anthropophagus is at the top of that pile. It’s bloody, disgusting, stupid, weird, and unintentionally funny, and all in equal measure.
A bunch of annoying young adults head off to a small island town for some ‘70s style R&R, and in the process run into a cannibalistic creep intent on eating everyone. Not much more to say than that. A must watch.
Final Prayer
A British found footage film of surprisingly high quality and originality. There are effects, yes, but they are mostly understated, letting the movie breathe on the weight of the lead performances. When things happen, I found them to be effectively creepy. And then there’s the end. Chef’s kiss.
A Catholic Brother, an A/V tech nerd, and a douchey priest are sent by the Vatican to look into reports of possible demonic business in a recently restored English country church. I liked it enough that I chose it as the next movie covered in Loathsome Things: a Horror Movie Podcast (which I cohost, in case you were unaware).
The Ones You Didn’t Burn
I am a folk horror slut. Hands down. And I’m also a big slut for feminist horror. There is absolutely a side of me that loves anything that idiots hate. That’s sight unseen. If you made a movie about how awesome women are and how much men fear them, I am pretty much sold.
A drug addict mooching loser returns home with his sister to their father’s farm to handle the sale of the place. Instead, they encounter a small coven of witchy witches who were employed with helping the old man run the place. The men in this picture are all pretty much scum, and in the case of the main character, are in deep shit.
The Last Voyage of the Demeter
Based on a section of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which tells the tale of Dracula’s passage to jolly old England. He has ensconced himself in a huge wooden crate filled with cursed soil. As the ship makes the crossing, Dracula pops out at night and makes short work of the crew.
This move had every reason to be shit, but I found it to be a decently-budgeted b-grade little piece of nastiness. Dracula, for one thing, is not the fancy pants foppish lad that we all think him to be. Instead he is a withered, lanky creature with membranous bat wings, yellow eyes, and a suitably creepy and breathy voice straight from hell. Recommended.
Beyond all those movies, I’ve been finishing up Philip Fracassi’s novel A Child Alone with Stranger. The book is about a young boy with supernatural abilities, who has been kidnapped for ransom by a gang of really bad people. They hide away in an abandoned farmhouse in the California woods. Unfortunately for them there is something very, very nasty lurking in the woods, and they have exactly zero chance of escaping with their lives.
I’ve also just started the final entry in the African Immortals trilogy by the incomparable Tananrive Due. Due is a national treasure, and her prose leaps off the page. This imaginative story revolves around a group of immortals bound by blood and focuses on Dawit, a member of the immortals. Dawit breaks from the rigid rules of the clan and marries a mortal, has a daughter, and upsets the centuries-old order.
I adore her work, and these books are impeccable an engaging from cover to cover. As I’ve said before, Due is among the very best in any genre.
As for music, I have listening heavily to a host of killer stuff. In no order, might I recommend, Solstice (Brit epic doomsters), Yob, Boss Keloid, the new Baroness (one of their best imo), the new singles from the upcoming Steven Wilson solo LP, and on and on and on . . .
Don’t ever say there’s no good music anymore. The simple fact is that you’re dead wrong and need to crawl out of your own ass and look for it.
And finally, be better than the assholes, dream, and fight for what’s right.
Onward.