The Sun that Sadly Sets
Jason Roeder and the moves he's made
Jason Roeder (think: raider), one of the most reliable and solid drummers in the heavy underground, has apparently decided to bail out of the touring life.
Jason was the drummer for Neurosis, Oakland’s heavily influential post metal powerhouse. I saw them play twice, once in the early ‘90s at Houston’s seminal club Emo’s (mind blown), and again in 2013 at Emo’s Austin with Arkansas’ fantastic Rwake and a reunion of Houston’s brilliant Pain Teens (mind reassembled and blown all over again). Jason also replaced Chris Hakius in the notorious stoner group Sleep, and played on their album the Sciences. I saw that tour and he was as much the anchor as he consistently was in Neurosis.
I don’t know Jason, so I’m not sure what prompted this decision. It sounds as if he’s going through some stuff, but I’m only speculating. he did make a few social media posts before he shut his pages down in which he said that he was “unceremoniously fired” from Sleep by their manager over the phone back in November of ‘24.
I don’t know Al Cisneros or Matt Pike either, but I’ve heard some stuff about how Al can be a bit, uh, different. And in my mind I find it hard to picture Pike handling the ugly part of band stuff. In my unsolicited opinion, Jason deserved more than the treatment he got. But hey, what do I know, right? Well, I know that guys, especially musicians, can be a bit dense when it comes to human interaction. It’s why so many of them stick to music over anything else. So many of them are shit at everything else. I hear it directly from them all the time. I don’t know if there was bad blood there, or what happened. I do know that Jason doesn’t sound like he was too happy with the way it was handled.
The Neurosis music was unimpeachable from day one. The twin songwriting/guitar/singer team of Steve Von Till and Scott Kelly are responsible for some of the heaviest, most emotionally intense and hypnotically compelling music I’ve ever heard. I love every single one of their releases.
So it was terrible when it came out that Scott Kelly had permanently left the band and public life due to an abusive history with his wife and children. It hurt me and many others who, despite never knowing them personally, felt their songs resonate in a special way that no other band was able to do. They might be the most cathartic band I’ve had the pleasure to listen to. Their music has helped me get through some enormously upsetting times of upheaval in my own life.
Through statements made by Kelly and the band, it was made painfully clear that Scott had been horribly abusive to his family for several years and that as a result of this he had been kicked out of the band since 2019. This all came out in 2022 and Neurosis has been on an extended hiatus since. Without any further word it becomes more and more likely that they are done for good. What happened with Kelly and his family is a terrible thing for everyone involved. Abuse is such a rampant problem, and I think so many of us thought of Scott as one of the good guys, like someone we could relate to, someone who would never do something like this.
They all seemed so principled and united in their efforts to better themselves through their music, for which their following was devoted. And then it all came apart.
Jason said in his since-deleted posts that he had nothing but love and respect for the remaining members of Neurosis. Coupled with his obvious disappointment and apparent anger with Sleep for how things were handled, he seems to have reached some sort of limit, and as a result, chose to step away. He has even gone so far as to offer all of his touring gear and other music stuff up for sale.
But then, in another (also since-deleted) post, he said that music is his life and that he is in no way done with it completely. Of course, how that plays out remains to be seen.
All I can say is that I hope we haven’t seen the last of him because I think he’s a great drummer. Most importantly I hope that he is able to find his way through all of this with grace and joy. Life can be really tough, to say the least. Believe me, I know all too well. It can take herculean effort to extract yourself from the piles of shit that have a tendency to bury us. And sometimes we never get out of that shit no matter how hard we try. I really hope that’s not what’s happening here.
This resonates with me on a personal level as well. I have played in bands since the late ‘80s. In that time I have played hundreds of shows. For most of that time I have been about as far out on the fringes as you can get and still function. I have played countless shows to a half empty room of bored people, and one ridiculous show to literally no one. I never got to tour.
This is for a number of reasons, but is mostly due to my struggles with panic disorder and my ridiculous level of introversion. Despite a (very) minor stint in the ‘90s in a somewhat cultish band with a microscopic following of shockingly still-devoted fans, my music “career” has been an abject failure. And yet for most of all these years I have found playing live worth all the oceanic vastness of shittiness that defines most of the other stuff that being in bands is like me.
It read like a list of tortures:
having to buy expensive crap, which I have never been able to afford
going weekly to a sweaty, stinky rehearsal room in some gross old building filled with lots of terrible other bands, just to play the same stuff over and over again with little to no inspiration
lugging all your shit—including heavy and bulky speaker cabinets—up stairs, down stairs, into and out of a truck and into and out of a sweaty, stinky club so you can play music live for about an hour, at most
the occasional clubs staffed with jaded, rude staff
spending most of a show night sitting around chain smoking and either drinking too much alcohol, or not drinking at all
dealing with my often crushing social anxiety
feeling overwhelmed, or bored, just counting the minutes until I can go home
playing with too many bands who either suck and are dicks, or who suck and are really nice (which is actually probably worse)
dealing with drunken dickheads who don’t like you because they’re drunken dickheads who think you wanted their worthless opinion
being sore for days
sweating to the point of feeling sick
being too “mainstream” to appeal to a bigger crowd
not being mainstream enough to appeal to bigger crowds
feeling uninspired for what can be literal years
And one and on, ad infinitum…
It’s brutal. And so like Jason I think I’m done as well. At the very least I need a(nother) extended hiatus. For too long I simply haven’t enjoyed it enough for it to be worth the stress and time and energy. It’s no one’s fault (except mine maybe), it’s just where I’m at. And I have to be fair with myself. Trying to keep sticking it out is not fair to the guys I’ve been playing with, guys who are virtually family at this point. We’ve been a band since 1995 for fuck’s sake (save for a few years when I bailed out to raise kids and to get my shit together). We’ve been through a lot, in and out of the band. I love these guys, and I know I’ve let them down, which always sucks. But it’s what’s best for me right now.
So as you can see, I can relate to Jason’s frustrations in my own way, which is probably why this news felt semi-personal. I can’t say music is my life, because it isn’t. But it will always be a massive part of it. I share my love of playing music with my love for drawing, writing, watching movies, and listening to other people’s music.
I know that list of grievances up there was a bit extra, and that all this might read like “Oh hey, man, you need help!” I’m not unhappy, though. Oddly enough, for the first time in my adult life, I am as close to peace as I’ve ever been. And I intend to protect that with all I have. For one, I’ve taken up some selfcare stuff that was long overdue, including regular meditation practice and the long walks I’ve written about in previous posts. Part of my problem is that I just never do anything until I’m damn well ready. And until then, it’s simply not happening. That’s just how I operate. I’m stubborn as fuck. But that sword has two edges, and I swing that bitch like a boss.
I really hope Jason can somehow feel his own peace and joy as well. And then, you know, hopefully get his ass back in that goddamn throne and bash the beat into the ground, because it’s needed, perhaps now more than ever. After all, we’re not exactly getting any younger—just older and older and fucking older, until we fuck off into oblivion, leaving room for the next round of weirdos to see what they can try and do with this crazy world we’re living in. Hell, maybe they can even fix some shit. Or at the very least, play heavy music like their lives depend on it.